And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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