My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
