I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
