The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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