barbara walters just said penis...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
