Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
