I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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