these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
