well you can't waste a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
