Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
