You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
