My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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