we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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