DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
