She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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