Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can't just leave with hair like that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
