In the future we'll all be gay
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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