pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
