dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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