college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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