Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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