I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
