Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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