Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
