the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
