Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
