Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize