he was CRYING into my vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
