My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
