God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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