yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
