he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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