i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
