there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
