I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
