grandma shit on top of the toilet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize