they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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