I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
