so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
