Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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