Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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