I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
