so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize