I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
