If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
