May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
