you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
