I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
