An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
