Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
