You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
