Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her vagine was all disorganized.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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