I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
