dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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