My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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