What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hippo gnu deer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
