Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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