you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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